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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 11:48pm] |
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This will be my last live journal entry. For good. From now on, like I tried to do a WHILE ago... I will ASK people what is going on with them, to their faces, and not read it on a journal, because it has become obvious to me during the past week (in which I have not gotten enough sleep, nor eaten much other than Peanut M&Ms) that I should not ever read live journals. Because, even when I'm fine on sleep and diet, the time in which something small wouldn't phase me (details aside, I will not go into it)... it will still be there for me to stumble upon like a dope, for me to blow out of context when I am NOT in a decent state of conciousness. This became apparent BEFORE, when similar incidents took place, and I tore down my old journal. And I'm doing it again, and now it's for good, because it's fucked up MY friendships and my friends' friendships with others, (and one relationship that I was in, although not on MY end of it) before, and I am NOT not going to let that happen again. *waves* Good Bye LJ. :)
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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 7:43pm] |
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Think before speaking, anybody? Me, perhaps? I think SO!
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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 7:12pm] |
But again, my want to destroy the life of a stupid person, aside, what's with this passage of time thing? I hate it. I just hate it, and that's all that can be said. I don't see someone for half a year, and it feels like only weeks have passed when I see them again, and they want my heart on a platter. I don't see someone for only a week or so, and it feels like half a year has passed by already, and that can be annoying. This sucks, and it makes me judge myself in a very harsh manner...
I haven't gone to get my medicine, yet. Ironic, since the pain in my back is gradually worsening. Nice, I tell myself, but I don't want to get up just yet, for some reason.
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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 6:34pm] |
What the FUCK is it that makes time pass so quickly, huh? Will somebody please tell me, because I don't bloody understand it. This... just sucks.
Sometimes I just want to club myself over the head, and so do a lot of other people. I'm actually heading to a place where I might actually run into one of those people. If he's there, I hope he doesn't even look at me. And if he looks at me, I hope he doesn't talk to me. And if he talks to me, I hope he doesn't talk shit to me. And if he talks shit to me, I hope he follows through with it. And if he follows through with it, God rest his soul, because I will make a fucking scarecrow out of him ON THE SPOT. So if he isn't hurt now, I hope he GETS hurt, because anybody who hurts an innocent person like that deserves to be hurt. And if he gets hurt, I hope it's so painful that angels cry. I hope it hurts so badly that even the demons cry for mercy on him. I hope that his pain is so ugly that it makes God want to vomit. It's too bad that I have soul and heart enough not to inflict that kind of suffering on another human being, because if I didn't... then you can be DAMN sure that I'd do it in a fucking second. Some people just don't deserve to live within these physical bounds, and deserve to rot in their own filth for all of eternity. So die, you, the wretched and unclean, and die slowly.
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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 11:10am] |
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UTI......... painful, but not so much that I can't function. ;)
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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 8:59am] |
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Doctor at 9:30, yay!
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[Wednesday, April 27th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 12:08am] |
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Doctor in the morning, before work. Something is very wrong. Fucking... kiddnies...
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[Monday, April 25th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 2:18pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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Imperial March [Rage Mix] |
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Who all thinks that the United States will be fighting a "war" in the Middle East for the next ten years or so? Give or take.
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[Friday, April 22nd, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 3:17pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Snow Patrol - How To Be Dead |
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Confused.
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[Friday, April 22nd, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 3:03pm] |
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mood |
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aggravated |
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music |
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Assholes! |
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I think that anybody that has anything against me because of what somebody else has said... and doesn't know me well enough to make their OWN judgements...should try and get to know me... because passing judgement on a person without knowing them well is ignorant.
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[Friday, April 22nd, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 12:31pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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music |
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Evanescence - Tourniquet |
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Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.............
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[Thursday, April 21st, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 9:11pm] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
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music |
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THERE IS NO MUSIC ONLY ZUEL!! |
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Other people's relationship difficulties MAKE ME SICK, sometimes.
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[Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 10:32pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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music |
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Story of the Year - Anthem of Our Dying Day |
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Today... was total, utter crap. I don't understand it... the store was DEAD. TOTALLY DEAD all day. We got to shoot the shit all day, which left me with too much time to think, and when I think... my brain becomes irrational, and I become a little uncomfortable about things that are important to me... *shudders* Even if I KNOW it's okay. Bloody human that I am. I should be a changling. That'd be cool. I'd be either an evil Mad Sci. Knocker (which I play VERY WELL, mind you, ask CashCoast)... or a Sidhe, with a MEAN-ASS rapier/sabre fighting skill. But I must admit... playing that Knocker and creating Chi-bola... was THE KICKASS!
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[Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 12:40pm] |
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My Doom Hampster likes to be petted...
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[Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 3:36am] |
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I can't sleep... I'm having stomach trouble...
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[Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 11:31pm] |
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I went to look at an apartment today, and the floor plan was just downright depressing. It got my energy flowing completely the wrong way. I've had a few other things on my mind, that I can't force out of my mouth, too. *yawns* Tired.
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[Tuesday, April 19th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 2:19am] |
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We all lose our sense of belonging every once in a while. That's why humans created the art of vacationing. Vacationing lets us feel as if we belong somewhere (the place in which we choose to vacation), so that we can have that sense ripped away from us like a newborn being ripped away from its mother, so that we, again, feel as if we do not belong, causing us to vacation again, thus driving tourism. Tourism makes us feel like we belong! ... Wait for it... wait for it... BING! I have just earned another dot in the Skill: Sleep Deprivation!
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[Monday, April 18th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 9:48pm] |
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What the fuck was I thinking?
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[Monday, April 18th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 9:17pm] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Evanescence - Hello |
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Wake up baby, I know you can hear me.
Why aren't you breathing?
Why are you staring at me like I am not here.
You know that I am right by your side.
Are you staring at me because you love me?
Are you staring at me because you're scared?
Why is your face so pale and cold?
Are you staring at me because you're dead?
Where did you go?
How many times have you told me you'd leave?
Was it something I did to make you want to go?
Are you coming back?
Wake up angel, it's one o'clock in the morning.
Time to wake up and dream.
Your memory sits like an ice cube in my empty stomach.
Your voice is the one in my head,
"The bottle is still by my bed! Take the rest! Swallow it down and come be with me!"
Wash away the times that you could not stay away...
The rain on your face...
I could never forget the way that you used to taste.
Your eyes...
Your tears...
Your kiss was never quite like this.
Angel with crimson wings comes this way to sing to me,
My angel with crimson wings turns to ash as she tries to sing to me...
That rain on your face...
Sometimes I wish that I could take your place.
Angel with crimson wings comes this way to sing to me,
My angel with crimson wings turns to ash as she tries to sing to me...
Angel... with crimson wings... where are you?
I can't find you,
Come back angel, come back...
Heaven and Hell, I cannot see you.
I think that maybe I can hear you when you tell me,
"I see you see me.
I see you see right through me.
I feel you walking through me.
I feel your heartbeat pass me."
Wake up baby...I know you can hear me...
Why aren't you breathing...?
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[Monday, April 18th, 2005 ::Current Time ECST:: 6:03pm] |
The work day...God....if I see another fucking toy-sized dog in a goddamn fucking handbag, it's going the FUCK into my oven! They're NOT really that cute, they SMELL, and their owners all wear goddamn Abercrombie & Fitch shirts because they think it MEANS SOMETHING COOL. Stuff your little French poodle or your Malteese or your Yorkie or your Bishon FREEZAY (S...I...C!!!) up your big asses, and zip your head up in your dog's carrybag, and DIE OF ASPHYXIATION!!!
People come up to me all like, "Hey. Will this fit him?"
Me: Fit who?
My Golden.
Me: Oh. I thought you meant your husband. Golden what?
Golden Retriever!
Me: Oh, okay. I didn't know what you meant, since you didn't say retriever. ... Asscrumb. You know, calling it a Golden is snobbish. And you shouldn't be wearing that skirt in public, NOT because you're a GUY, but because it was made for a little girl that is THIRTEEN LESS SIZES THAN YOU!
Of course, that's only what I'd like to say. People are stupid. They walk into the store, and then walk around aimlessly for HOURS. It's a pet store! COME ON! And then, if you're on the floor walking around, and they see you...EVEN if they KNOW what they need, and KNOW where they are going...they AUTOMATICALLY become TOTAL idiots, and lose their memory, and MUST ask you a question! Death to all incompetent people!! DEEEEEATH!!!! I need chai.
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macabriel's journal